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Would You Choose Option B?

5/27/2017

"Option A is not available, so let's just kick the shit out of Option B." ~ Sheryl Sandberg

Watch this poignant video about how one woman turned the tragedy of losing her husband into choosing a new way of living life without him.

Many of us have experienced the devastation of losing someone or something, and we've probably all wished that our losses would not have happened.

But sadly, with divorce, death, or a loss of a dream, we don't ever get the chance to have our old lives back.

What we do get is the opportunity to live life in a new way by adopting a new perspective, even in the wake of monumental grief.

When my husband's secret life was revealed, our children were just one, three, and five. Oh, how I had spent many hours wishing that his disclosure of addiction hadn't happened!

As expected, I was immediately thrown into shock and pain--not just for hours--but for days, weeks and months. Living through the subsequent 20 months was like getting poked in the eye with a hot skewer.

Repeatedly.

I didn't necessarily want Option A anymore, but I did want back what I thought I had: a loyal husband and devoted father.

But that was no longer an option.

Thankfully, I had enough grit to seek out a fresh start, and choose a new way of life for me and three kids.

I wanted to live with fearless authenticity. I wanted a life filled with love and excitement. I wanted my children to experience a healthy family, even if they came from a broken marriage.

Without knowing it, I had chosen Option B.

And twenty one years later, I have zero regrets.

Choosing Option B allowed me to lean into a world filled with new possibilities. I challenged old thoughts and behaviors; I joined new groups; I made new friends; I traveled more; I adopted gratitude as a way of life; and I thrived in the face of heartache and loss. I even changed careers to empower other women in the same situation.

And as we experienced new challenges and freedoms as a family, our lives opened up and showered us with all sorts of blessings. Money and jobs appeared out of nowhere just when they were needed; we moved cross-country at an optimal time; we found our new tribes who have remained our closest friends.

While I once felt devastated about losing Option A, I have never looked back and wished that I could reclaim my former life.

Because losing Option A gave me and my children so much more in return: a full life in all of its messiness.

We learned that life can be both beautiful and sad; full of blessings and losses; gratifying and troublesome; and inspiring and tragic.

But we've never chosen to option-out of our lives, despite the risks of a broken heart or a painful truth.

I've since chosen Option B a few more times, and I have reaped invaluable rewards--again. I am now confident that I can choose Option B over and over and live through it with some semblance of grace.

How about you? Are you willing to choose Option B if Option A is no longer available?

I happen to love Option B.

Its unexpected blessings have yielded far more than I would have ever known without first losing Option A.

Much love,

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Do Work That Feeds Your Soul

5/23/2017

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"Do whatever work feeds your true self, even if it's not a safe bet, even if it's like a crazy risk, even if everyone in your life tells you you're wrong or bad or crazy." ~ Leaving the Saints by Martha Beck

When my youngest graduated high school nearly four years ago, I set out to complete a dream that had already been twenty-years-in-the-making. When she was one-year-old and my life underwent a monumental change, I decided to become a Life Coach.

I'd been through such a life-altering experience that I knew I could help others in the same situation. And coaching has always been such an innate part of me; I just didn't have the formal training, nor the know-how to begin a business at that time.

And then, life happened. And my dream was set aside.

But upon my daughter's graduation two decades later, I knew it was time to dust off that old wish and just jump into it.

I quit my nursing job and sought out training.

People around me thought I was nuts.

But I felt where my heart was leading me, and it wasn't found in the halls of hospitals anymore.

By the end of the following year, I was a full-fledged life coach, but I was also still not making much money, and my savings account was quickly being drained.

Uh-oh.

I realized that my business would take longer to set up and make sustainable, so I found another nursing job to cover the bills for a while.

Friends and family sighed with relief.

But my soul started balking.

Nursing was not what my soul was longing for anymore; I'd had a good run spanning almost three decades, but it was time to pursue my new passion.

(Not surprisingly, the new nursing job didn't last long, either).

So I kept at coaching while my friends and family held their breath. At that point, even I began doubting my ability to become a life coach with a full-time clientele.

Even I began to think I was nuts.

It was taking much longer than I'd anticipated, it was draining my savings and retirement accounts, and I was losing faith that it would ever happen.

But I kept at it because I was following what made my soul happy: I hosted workshops; I wrote blogs and newsletters; I continued my weekly column; I spoke on the radio; and I kept working with clients.

And ever so slowly, somewhere along the way, it began to take shape. It's not yet a full-time gig, but that's okay. I'm happy; fulfilled; proud.

I continue to feed my true self, even on the days when it doesn't feel like a safe bet, because I trust that it will one day become what I've envisioned all along.

What about you?

What work would you do that feeds your true self, even if it's not a safe bet, even if it's like a crazy risk, even if everyone in your life tells you you're wrong or bad or crazy?

Much love,

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Do You Feel Your Pain, or Act it Out?

5/20/2017

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"There are too many people today who, instead of feeling hurt, are acting out their hurt; instead of acknowledging pain, they're inflicting pain on others. Rather than risking feeling disappointed, they're choosing to live disappointed."~ Brene Brown

Last week I touched upon the importance of caring for your anxious, exhausted self in the wake of a life-altering event.

Today's fabulous quote by Brene Brown tells us why.

It seems that the world is full of angry, defeated, and sad people. We are divided by politics, religion, culture, and even within our families (myself included).

The news is full of anger, blame, and fear which trickles down into the lives of many who jump on the band wagon, ready to fight against unknown villains.

But how you feel about the world is just a reflection of what's going on inside of you. Are you feeling outraged? Apathetic? Fearful? Bored? Powerless?

If so, then ask yourself: Who or what in your own life are you feeling outraged or apathetic toward? Is fear running your life? Where do you feel powerless? Or bored, or helpless?

Whatever you're feeling, it's your responsibility to notice how your feelings are impacting your life.

It's easy to pass them off onto the world that looks like it's spinning out of control, but the truth is, YOU may be spinning out of control.

If so, don't act out your emotions by grumbling, yelling, or running for cover under warm, fuzzy blankets.

Instead, feeeeeeel them.

When my long-term relationship was crashing a decade ago, I was pissed. I'd moved my family cross-country for a special kind of relationship, but instead found myself in an abusive one.

I acted out my anger and sadness with my kids, in my job, and with God.

It wasn't until I realized how destructive this was that I decided to adopt a new tact. I mourned the loss of what I expected the relationship to be, and accepted it for what it was.

No, that wasn't easy, and yes, I had a lot of tough emotions to work through.

I cried, I stomped, I journaled, I pouted.

But as I felt each one, I became better equipped to handle my own emotions around the loss, and felt better able to let him go.

And when I stopped acting out my emotions on others, they stopped feeling so overwhelming. They lightened up over time, so I was willing to lean into feeling them more often and more fully.

Then a crazy thing happened: the most intense emotions simmered down, then eventually disappeared. Because I'd been willing to feel them instead of hide them or shirk them off onto others, they vanished.

And when they went MIA, I was able to think about the loss of my relationship with more compassion--and some days--even gratitude. The anger and sadness were no longer mucking up my energy field because I had made room for something better:

Love.

Instead of lashing out at others for your bad day, or yelling at your spouse for the loss of your job, feel your disappointment and anger and sadness and rage.

Because, I promise you, when you put your attention on feeling instead of lashing out, the energy of your emotions will eventually dissipate.

The trick is to feel the intensity of your emotions without injuring others. Then feel them until they no longer need to be felt.

How do you know when they don't need to be felt anymore? You'll begin to feel better, look better, and won't feel so tangled up in your emotions for as long.

So do yourself and everyone else a favor and feeeeel what's bothering you.

Your world will take on a new hue and you will feel happier. The anger and sadness will simply be gone, leaving more joy and happiness in its place.

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Would You Choose Option B?

Do Work That Feeds Your Soul

Do You Feel Your Pain, or Act it Out?

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