It's like all of my synapses align themselves up at exactly the right moment, intent on bringing me relief. My shoulders soften, my stomach loosens its grip, and I know—from that moment forward—that I will never be the same.
It happened just the other day when I was stewing (still) about having to return to a profession that I thought I had already left behind. I've been in conflict about this for years, trying to leave my 24-year career in nursing for something that feels more satisfying—like the coaching gig I'm in the middle of nurturing. I absolutely detested the thought of having to return to nursing to supplement my on-going venture. To do so felt like going backwards, like I had failed.
But then, after many months and sleepless nights, a new idea emerged from out of nowhere.
What if I could feel thankful for the opportunities nursing has afforded me over the years, and then use my expertise as a path toward supporting my new-found goal, instead of feeling like I'm ditching it?
In that single, crisp moment of clarity, I felt my innards go limp, and poof! The sweet freedom of letting go had graced me with its presence. It only took a change in perception, a re-focus in thought, that was prompted by something other than me.
I didn't have to do anything.
When I finally realized that my ex-husband was not going to be able to stay in our family, I let go, and an internal shift occurred, allowing me to see our situation for what it was, not for what I needed it to be. It allowed me to leave a destructive marriage and move on. Not in anger or bitterness, but in peace and love, because I knew, just knew, that there was nothing left for me to try to fix in our marriage. It was simply un-fixable—at least for that moment of crystal clear clarity.
There have been people and circumstances I swore I would never be able to release. I have felt the grip of uncertainty and fear holding on tightly to whatever was the object of my conflict. I couldn't will myself to let go (believe me, I've tried...many, many times), but as if it floated down from the skies on a magical cloud, a new thought or idea or epiphany would appear...
After months and/or years of personal angst, all was gone, forever changed.
What are you willing to release? Let go of your expectations of what your relationship should look like. Release the control for how you want your situation to look or your loved one to behave. Let yourself and others off the hook, and your longing for something different will disappear.
Then feeeeeel yourself click into a new place. Of peace. Of love. Of freedom.
The situation does not even have to change for an internal shift to happen. My ex-husband still left our home; I still lost people I loved; my work life may look different than what I'd planned for.
But true freedom also brings acceptance and healing. By letting go, never again have I been affected by the agony of my ex-husband's infidelities, or the fall-out from my history of sex abuse, or the sting of lost love. I'm no longer resentful about possibly working a side gig, because I've let it all go (Cue the music!).
Once I loosened my grip on needing to keep or change someone/something, I unhooked, let go, and felt the sweet release of freedom. Every. Single. Time.
As we embark upon this new year, whom or what are you willing to let go of?